pedagogical pain and promise

The teaching term officially ended for me one week ago today. It's been a LONG semester. Teaching two courses (one in another province) and co-teaching two others was a bit much for anyone, let alone me in my current "condition." Three of the four were absolutely a pleasure; one was a pedagogical nightmare, to say the least. The first three ended in a way I've grown accustomed to: simultaneously relieved that the term has ended and that I'll have time to work on my own stuff once the marking is done, and saddened by the fact that I won't be with that particular group of people every week reading, talking and learning. The last one, on the other hand, marked the first time I didn't thank a group of students for the twelve weeks spent together. I was glad - actually elated - to be through with them, the toxic environment created by less than a handful of self-righteous individuals, and the course as a whole. Could I have done things differently? Maybe. Could it have been recouperated somehow during the term? Probably. But now that some time has passed, I think that I've learned more about teaching and feminist pedagogy and the limits of both (especially as a sessional lecturer with no resources, institutional backing or mentor) than I could have any other way. Still much more to think about - and to ruminate over - as I no doubt will, but when I was thinking about writing about the past four months (and yes, I admit it, beating myself up over the way in which the course played itself out), a CFP landed in my inbox on feminist pedagogy. It began with two quotes (one new to me, the other I had happened upon before):

Feminist pedagogy is...teaching that engages students in political discussion of gender and justice. ~ Berenice Malka Fisher

and

The classroom, with all its limitations, remains a location of possibility. In that field of possibility we have the opportunity to labor for freedom, to demand of ourselves and our comrades, an openness of mind and heart that allows us to face reality even as we collectively imagine ways to move beyond boundaries, to transgress. ~ bell hooks

The call itself had very little to do with the sort of teaching I try to do and wasn't even remotely related to the research work I'm about to re-delve into for the summer months, but it did slap me out of the bit of woe-is-me/damn-you-so-and-so that had settled in as the term came to a close. It reminded me that feminist pedagogy (both the discourse and the practice) is important, that it has made significant contributions to transforming academic structures and influencing individuals who teach a wide range of topics. It isn't (just) about canoodling around the personal of experience, critiquing the perceived "canon" (or in the case of my course, criticizing or rejecting it outright), or using space as a vehicle to make others feel less political, less active, or just plain less. It's about reflection, reflexivity, responsibility and accountability - on the part of individuals and groups - in the process of making real social change.

While I am ultimately fallible for the way in which the class didn't gel, there are a lot of interesting questions that remain with me, rolling around for future mulling and filing - to be pulled out when the next round of syllabi need to be prepared: What kind of pedagogical space has women's studies constructed? Who is this space ultimately made "safe" for? Who is left outside that? How do dialogue and difference - within and beyond gender - allow for or hinder engagement? What kind of theory is missing by the senior level of undergraduate study? What is there? How does the mobilization of words work to nullify other things that desperately need to be said? In what ways can I work to engage dialogue to allow for deep, embodied - and hopefully passionate - learning?

Fortunately for me, I have a dissertation to write and two full terms off before I have to try it all again. It's a welcome break, and one I hadn't anticipated looking forward to so strongly.

Now on to the marking, to really put the term to rest...