a recipe for squirrels*

For an excellent, foolproof, simple dish that will last all summer long, follow these directions carefully:

STEP #1: Plant three previously-unheard of varieties of tomatoes (this year's winners were the patio hybrid, the debut hybrid and the window box roma) in a large round half-barrel. Stakes are a good idea for straight growth of the stalks, but for the sake of easy critter access, DO NOT enclose with wire or any kind of barrier.

STEP #2: Hang a garden box over the railing (remember to shim with generous amounts of cardboard to keep it level) to create a over-hanging smörgåsbord with a view. Generously plant with yummies: parsley, rosemary, chives & oregano are particularly tasty to rodents, and are especially aromatic - sure to draw their taste buds.

STEP #3: Decorate, adorn, beautify - and keep it that way! Adding flowers to the area surrounding your tomatoes and herbs will guarantee your garden daily (and sometimes nightly) visitors looking for a quick bite on the climb. Keep the area tidy: squirrels are very fussy creatures and will NEVER eat something they (or a friend, relative or acquaintance) have already gnawed and thrown away.

This season's choices were:

.marigolds................................ violets ................................and daisies.

*This recipe is based solely upon the results of a single trial run held at this location last summer. Results may vary. Recommended only for apartment dwellers with fire escapes, small balconies, or half-decent window ledges.